FOSTER CARE Q&A – adoption? the hardest part? saying no?

    This month marks two year since we started the process to be approved to be a foster family.

    It’s crazy how much life has changed and the number of kids in our home has gone up and down since then!

    And now we are approaching the time in the lives of our current foster kids where they have almost been in our home for as long as the time before they were in our home.


    Foster Care Q & A - the hardest part of fostering? adoption? saying no?


    I want to continue to use this blog to raise awareness for foster care and adoption and I’m branching out to include YouTube in this as well.

    I may be that weird person with three YouTube channels because I can’t just focus on one thing.

    Today I wanted to tackle some common foster care questions I get asked.

    If you have questions for a future foster care or adoption Q & A, let me know!


    Foster Care Q & A - the hardest part of fostering? adoption? saying no?


    You can check out our foster care timeline here and all the foster care blog posts here.




    One Year With R2D2 – Another Fostering Update

    Wow, here we are. I can’t believe that today marks one year that R2D2 has been with us!

    This is the longest we’ve ever had a placement and truth be told: we’re pretty attached to him.

    The last year has been a rollercoaster of emotions, mainly because we have no idea what is going on with R2 in regards to how long he will be in our home. It feels like we just wrap our minds around one idea (like him staying or him going home soon) and then it changes.

    A couple of weeks ago I figured he would probably be out of our home by the end of February.

    Then that all changed when his sister, BB8, came to live with us.

    Well, maybe.


    Wondering: How long our foster son, R2 will be with us


    Since I shared a mini update last week we’ve had a little bit more of an update.

    There are a few different “options” floating around out there:

    1. BB8 goes home in about a week. (This would be the ministry’s ideal)
    2. BB8 goes home in about two weeks.
    3. BB8 AND R2D2 go home in about two weeks. (This is a possibility, the ministry may decide that if it’s safe enough for BB8 than it’s safe enough for R2.)
    4. BB8 goes home in two weeks like #2 above and then R2D2 stay another couple of months for things to get into a routine before he joins BB8 at home. (This is the one their social worker is pushing for.)

    That all being said, this depends on things “going according to plan”. There are people involved in this plan and if they don’t follow the necessary steps or things go downhill in some way this could totally change. In that case their would be a fifth option:

        5. BB8 and R2D2 are here long term. (This is the last resort, the ministry’s goal is always reunification.)


    One Year With R2D2 - Another Fostering Update


    Fostering has been a growing experience for our family in the last year and a half.

    Honestly, I don’t think it’s something we are particular good at nor do we feel like God has called us to it.

    We are doing it simply because we see a need and we have the space.

    I don’t think a person needs to feel called to foster. The Bible tells us time and time again to look after the orphans and fatherless, if we are Christians we should be doing that in some way.

    It’s not something that’s a calling, it’s already been commanded.


    One Year With R2D2 - Another Fostering Update


    That all being said. If R2 and BB8 end up leaving our home I’m not sure what we will do.

    After we saw Buzz and Woody go home so suddenly and then end up back in care a couple months later we’re actually leaning towards taking a break for a few months so that incase R2 and BB8 end up back in care we can take them back right away.

    That all being said, we really have no idea what the future holds. But whether or not we have another foster placement we’ve already said, if these two go home and then end up back in care, there will always be a place for them in our home.

    Or they may be here for years. Only God knows and only time will tell!


    P.S. I’m planning on sending out my first personal newsletter in a long time, hopefully today if life and babies allow. At this point I’m hoping to send one out every three months or so and then maybe increase it to once a month when we don’t have an under one year old in our home. If you want to get the newsletter, sign up here.


    One Year With R2D2 - Another Fostering Update


    R2D2 Gets a Sidekick

    I had full intentions of writing a fostering update today. Next Saturday marks one year since R2D2 came into our home, I guess I’ll write that update next week, for now, here’s a mini (or not so mini) update.

    On Wednesday we got a call and on Thursday R2D2’s little sister came into our home. In sticking with the Star Wars theme, her nickname online will be BB8.

    BB8 was our one exception when we changed our range of acceptance last year.

    She isn’t quite six months old and as of right now we have no idea how long she’ll be here.

    I’m hoping to have more to share in next week’s update but I just wanted to share this for now.

    Thanks to everyone who has prayed for us on our fostering journey!


    If you are curious, our foster care timeline is here.


    It’s Been 10 Years Since I’ve had a Baby This Young (AKA We Said Yes to Another Placement)

    About two weeks ago I got a call from our social worker asking if we would be willing to accept another foster care placement. According to her they were planning on shutting down some emergency homes due to COVID-19.

    We agreed to have kids presented to us and we could decide on an individual basis if we would say yes to a placement or not.

    Later that week we got a call about a seven month old boy that we ended up saying no to. Mostly because he was not a great sleeper and lately R2 has been having some sleeping issues, and the only room we have for foster kids involves them sharing a room. (And if the babies aren’t sleeping, than I’m not sleeping and that’s not good for anyone in the house!)


    Saying Yes to another foster care placement


    Then last week we got a call about a six month old girl.

    We do feel like taking just one foster care placement of one child works best for our family (and it helps if they are as easy as R2) but I thought with COVID going on and my complete lack of responsibilities and expectations outside the home, this would be an okay time to take another placement.

    We were told this girl (who we’re calling Cece) sleeps well, so we said yes.

    Guys, it’s been ten years since I had a baby this age! I totally forgot how this stage works and I realized we have none of the stuff needed for this age.

    She didn’t come with any kind of schedule written down (and she came to us from a place that could have done that), they didn’t say when she last ate or napped and she didn’t even come with a bottle! (Thankfully I found a bottle in R2’s stuff that he’s not using because I’m trying to keep the trips out of the home to the minimum right now.)

    Currently neither of the two littles are napping well during the day at all. And the little napping they are doing does not overlap. On the positive side they have both slept through the night 50% of the nights she’s been with us.


    Saying Yes to another foster care placement


    R2 and Cece are a year a part and this is closer in age than I’ve ever done before. And I’ve never had two in diapers at the same time (I changed six poopy diapers today alone!). Cece can’t sit yet and is pretty much only happy if she is standing, I hear she likes the jolly jumper, we’ve got one ordered and it should be here in a few days, but for now my back is killing me trying to hold her while she jumps. Oh, and have I mentioned that R2 still doesn’t walk and he’s jealous of all the attention Cece is getting?

    Honestly, I’m overwhelmed.

    Also honestly, it doesn’t take much.

    I feel bad saying this because I feel like it’s taboo for women to say but I am just not a baby person. I’ve probably only volunteered to hold people’s babies like five times in my life.

    If you are wondering why a person like me is fostering, don’t worry, I’m wondering it too.

    For years I struggled to find ways to serve that worked with my gifts but in the last couple of years I’ve come to realize that one of my spiritual gifts (and Jared’s too) is/are service. I am willing to fill in when there is a need, even if it is not something I am super qualified for. It’s why I do a lot of things that I do.

    I don’t think it’s bad to serve in areas that don’t come easily, I think we can have seasons of huge growth when we do so, but I also think it is a lot easier to get burned out when doing so for extended periods of time (ask me how I know).

    There are lots of reasons I don’t want to admit that fostering is hard for me. And it mostly comes down to my pride. I have friends that have way more kids than me and foster on top of it and they don’t seem to struggle nearly as much as I do. I often mentally think If they can handle XYZ, why can’t I handle just Z that I have on my plate?

    But God hasn’t made us all the same, we don’t all have the same limits, the same gifts, the same amount of patience, etc. We are all unique creations, and that is something to be thankful for, not something to get down about.


    Saying Yes to another foster care placement


    In this short adventure of fostering I have often wondered why we are doing this. Why did we take action when I so many people who are much more gifted and qualified for this role?

    And now with this pandemic going through the world and so many people are finding themselves with more time on their hands, I’m wondering, why did we say yes? Why does it feel like we always choose the hard (for us) path?

    I know God has a purpose behind this all, and it may end up being something obvious down the road and it may not, and I know I have to be okay with that.

    I definitely know this journey has already driven me to pray in ways I wouldn’t have even thought about before. I am praying for children, for birth mothers, for social workers and for more people in my life to take action and become foster parents.

    Our province is in desperate need for foster parents, when I was looking up stats last summer I read that there were something like 5,000-6,000 kids in care in the province and just over 500 foster homes. That averages to TEN KIDS A HOME! Obviously they aren’t all in homes and that’s incredibly sad (but also understandable, because there is no way we’re taking another eight kids on). So, I’m praying for more people to open up their homes, because if we can do this, pretty much anybody can.

    This got a little long winded for a post that was just supposed to say that we have a new placement but I’ve got lots of thoughts and feelings on the subject and it feels good to share some of them.

    If you have been thinking about being a foster parent and serving the hurting in your city in that way I would highly recommend getting in touch with social services and seeing how you can get more information. I don’t know what our local social services are doing now in regards to approving foster homes during COVID but I’m afraid they’ll lose a few homes during this time and if they aren’t training and approving new ones they are going to be in an even tighter spot than they already are.

    If you’ve made it this far, I’m surprised and probably shouldn’t ask for a favor, but I will anyway, will you take some time to pray for us today? And if you’ve thought about fostering at all, pray for that as well.

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