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It Was Never Random
On the weekend someone asked me if we had adopted Ephraim. I always laugh a little inside when people ask, especially when they have seen both me and Jared; two people as white as us don’t usually produce children as brown as Ephraim. But I understand the question, it’s a polite and safe way to approach the subject and I enjoy talking adoption with people.
After I confirm that yes, we had adopted him people usually have a reply that has made me feel a little uncomfortable. They make it seem like we are a higher class of people or are more righteous because we have adopted (neither are true), and I never know how to properly respond.
This weekend after I said yes, we had adopted him the response was, “good for you”. In the past this very phrase has made me feel uncomfortable. To be honest, neither of us are big fans of the whole newborn stage and so I kinda feel like we cheated and skipped to toddler-hood with Ephraim.
But this time, when I heard “good for you” I said, “yes, he has been good for all of us, he is exactly what our family needed.”
And it’s true, you’d think God had a hand in it or something. 😉 Ephraim will do whatever it takes to make people laugh and he’s so good for the rest of us, who are much more serious (with a side of sarcasm). He has a sensitive spirit and loves to come to me in the morning after he wakes up just to cuddle a little bit.
I can’t imagine our family without him. He really has been good for all of us.
I can see where someone would expect you to take some credit for adopting. It was a long struggle for you…emotionally and financially…and a lot of people don’t have the patience, faith, or willingness to sacrifice that is required of adoptive parents. I admire you for those things, and hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable!
I appreciate posts like this though, so I can think more carefully about what I say when I encounter adoptive families. I usually stick to ‘That’s so great!’
True . . . I do understand why most say what they do, it’s often just hard to know what to say after their reply. “That’s so great” is an awesome response. 🙂
I can imagine that the “good for you” response would feel odd–but I think you responded in the best way possible. We were approached about a private adoption over Christmas which at the last possible minute fell through–in a good way, the mom decided to keep her baby and people were found to help her along the journey of parenthood. On our side it’s a weird sort of feeling–we know it’s a very good outcome and we continue to pray for her and for her little one, but it also felt like another sort of ‘loss’ on our side. We still wait in hope to see how God will decide to grow our family!
Wow, Rachel, I can’t imagine how much of a roller coaster that would have been like. Amazingly I know another couple had that exact thing happen to them this Christmas. It’s an especially hard time of year to experience so much emotion, a high and then the low of a loss. Praying for you as you wait on God. <3
This is so sweet. I love how you reframed “good for you” 😉